A few weeks ago I went to Disney, a Disney crews, and even Universal for vacation with my family. It was AWESOME! I had a blast. The highlight of my time in the parks was my trip to Universal where we got to go through all the Harry Potter stuff… mind blowing-ly wonderful!
As you know by my updates, I have lost weight and size… which is awesome! Flying was a far less problem and almost enjoyable, believe it or not.
I remember that we got to the Islands of Adventure early. Too early, in fact. We accidentally tried to sneak in the with people who got to enter the park an hour early… but we were stopped. haha! So close.
After we waited for that hour, we were permitted to enter. We went straight for the Harry Potter ride…
As we were entering the line for the ride, I stopped to ask if I would have a problem ridding on the ride. Why? Because I’m 6’5″ and big… duh! haha! But also because years earlier I tried to go on it and I didn’t fit in the seats with the bar over me. The girl working at the gate looked at me and said, you should have no problem. I was really excited! (BTW, in Disney I didn’t have any problems fitting in rides… well besides my legs being crammed in sometimes.)
So, I waited in line with my family, nervous as a cat, trying to believe that this girl was right and that everything would be okay. After 45 minutes waiting, I was almost to the point of jumping on the ride when one of the employees stopped me and asked me to come sit in an empty ride seat that was there and not on the ride. So, I did and… I didn’t fit. My torso was too tall to cram that bar down over my shoulders. So, there I was… after waiting in line and having people pass by me with a employee trying to cram me into a seat. It was embarrassing… my pride was taking a hit and I suddenly felt that all my work was worthless.
On the bright side, my youngest didn’t want to go on the ride anyways and was scared to death to get on the thing. So, her and I went and waited on the other two to ride the ride. I sat there with Eve remembering back to the years of failure and all the years of struggle over body image… I was entering into a dark place in the most magical place in the world.
There just didn’t seem to be enough magic at Hogwarts to bring me back into the light, or to fit into that ride.
After the other half of our family got off the ride, we walked out and went to get wands. After buying wands, Zoe and I went on a magical adventure doing spells and interacting with all the Harry Potter world. The day turned around and I’m grateful for that turn.
It reminded me that the demons might not be gone, but their voices can be silenced. I’m not sure there will ever be enough weight loss or enough physical victories for me to ever not hear the lies that I have told myself for my entire life. The difference is how I choose to respond to those voices…
When that voice of worthlessness comes up, what do you do? Do you eat it away, pick up a sick or unhealthy habit, or do you just give up? OR Do you feel what needs to be felt and continue to move forward? I chose to move forward… will you?
Don’t get stuck in your past, but instead, Keep Going!