I have to get my fix. When I’m depressed and feeling low, I look for the drug I need. I look for ways to exit reality and control something in my life. The control I seek is a way to disconnect from the world that seems completely out of control and hell bent on breaking me down. If I can get some relief… if I can just break away… if I can do something… anything. I want to check out from reality, ignore the fact that I have a problem and settle into a euphoric state of being that is NOT what I’m currently feeling. On the other hand… I might just want to punish myself. I have these craving… these desires… these thoughts, and I know I shouldn’t have them… I know they are wrong, but they are there in my mind. I hate myself and should just treat myself so poorly because I’m no good… I’m a fraud… I’m broken… I completely suck and I deserve nothing good. Let me punish myself with my drug… let me not feel my pain… let me just kill myself slowly because I don’t deserve anything but mistreatment. Maybe the only truth is that I need help and I have no idea how to get it.
Before you go and call the suicide hotline on me, finish reading…
You probably read this and thought of drugs like heroin, blow, sticky, etc. But what if I told you that it was never about actual drugs… It’s about food. Whether you do battle with drugs, pornography, food, or anything else… we have to acknowledge that the battles are similar. (Notice I didn’t say the same)
People who struggle with food are emotionally attached to it deeply! Think about it… we are culturally programmed to celebrate food. We Instagram our food, we celebrate everything with food, and when it’s our birthday we celebrate with a cake. Every milestone, every celebration, every major event is marked with food… and usually bad food. A few weeks ago, how many of you went to a Super Bowl gathering only to eat and drink yourself into a food coma? I mean, the point is a football game, but the reality is that it’s all about to food.
The struggle is real! Consider if you were trying to stop smoking, and everywhere you went people were offering you your favorite cigarette… like everywhere you went. That would suck, right? When we struggle with food and work around other people we are constantly offered food that doesn’t fit in our plan. Couple with that, if you are addicted to sugar then you are like an addict looking at free drugs all day long. After all, it’s always someone’s birthday or someone had extra treats left over after their party and they know better than to leave them at home, so they bring them to work to infect everyone else with their sweet and salty goodness. “Oh, you’re on a diet, but just one won’t kill you”.
False, because if I could only eat just one, I wouldn’t be dealing with this problem in the first place! (Insert mental middle finger here)
Over the next few weeks, I am going to focus on some emotions associated with food. Food and emotions go hand in hand. If you don’t believe me, then you haven’t been married or lived with a girl. If you don’t believe me, try and watch a sporting event with a boy and just drink water. (These are real experiences, not me being sexist… don’t get hung up!) If you don’t believe me, you have never celebrated anything in your life. If you don’t believe me, ask a kid what they want to do to celebrate… ice cream?
The big question is, How do you move food from emotional to need-based fuel when thinking about food? I’m not sure I’ll have an answer, but I’m willing to talk about it! One thing I know, for sure, is that I can’t trust myself with food decisions at the moment… I have to plan and if I haven’t planned, then I can’t eat it.
Please feel free to comment on these posts with your thoughts and experiences. Maybe your words will give strength and/or encouragement to someone else. Whatever you do, remember that this work is worth it and so are you! Keep Going!