We struggle in isolation…

Maybe you are like me and you don’t allow people to see the you that is broken and struggling. I desire for people to see me as a happy, energetic, and a fun person. I don’t want people to see the depressed, loathful, and self-deprecating person I really am on the inside. I spend a lot of energy faking it, until I make it. What about you… are you able to be the real you both in public and private?

I self-isolate. When I self-isolate, I can regain the energy I need to fake it. At least, that’s what I think I’m doing. It’s easy to justify and easy to hide and suspend to work of the fake persona I want people to see.

So, who am I really? I talk about this in terms of public and private… fake and real. But who am I really?

The reality is, that I am all of these things. I am an energetic, funny, and happy guy who struggles with depression and self-loathing. A healthy me is neither one or the other, but both. I have good days and I have bad days, but most of the days are both.

When I am healthy and making good choices with my big three, I am energetic, joyful, and funny. I don’t hear the terrible voice within me that says otherwise. I feel it’s presence but I don’t get crippled by it. However, when I start isolating myself, I know that I’m not in a healthy place. When I find myself alone, I realize that something is out of wack in my life. One of the big three has slipped. Have you experienced this before?

At this point in my life, I know what it takes for me to be healthy and feeling great, but it’s still pretty fragile. If one thing slips, my life takes a turn. I have to keep my life in check and I have to consistently plan how I will stay healthy and making good choices.  I have a group, that I am a part of, which I walk away from feeling depressed and beat down… every time we meet! This group literally sucks the life out of me. All they do is complain and say the same thing every time we get together. Nothing changes and nothing seems to get better. I have done my best to stay in the group as a positive presence but at the end of the day, I’m not strong enough to help the group by myself. Sometimes, if I’m not feeling emotionally ready for the group experience I don’t go. I skip it. Why? Because I can’t take the spiritual abuse of negativity. Most of the time I can, but I also have to give myself the freedom and the love to skip out for time to time for my well being. Don’t give anyone permission to suck your soul into a dark place! Groups that are meant to help, shouldn’t send you out from them and into isolation. right?

What are the things, in your life, that are red flags that you are going into a dark place? Do you know what they are? Do you know what your triggers are?

Stop struggling alone. People around you want to help… people around you want to support you. If you need someone, reach out to me. Stop struggling in the shadows of self-isolation. Come into the light and live life there with other healthy people. It takes a community and not self-isolation. Surround yourself with people who make you better.  Keep Going!

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