In a few weeks, I have to fly. Some people think that’s great… you’re going somewhere, somewhere fun, somewhere to far away to drive… that’s exciting!
No… no it’s not exciting.
I hate flying!
Do I fly? Yes. Do I hate it? Yes.
Over the next few weeks I hope to process through the things that go through my head, as a large human, who has to fly from time to time. This is what happens when I fly…
There’s two reason that I hate to fly. First is a memory of flying as a kid and vomiting EVERYWHERE! We were landing, the plane was a little jumpy on the decent, and for whatever reason… I puked all over the aisle. I think some hit the lady’s shoe across the aisle from me. It was a terrible experience and it is obviously something that has marked me for the worse. The second reason I hate to fly is that I’m a large human! From the moment I walk onto a plane, I am completely aware of how large I am. I can’t stand up straight because I’m 6’5″, and then the seats are tiny! (Some might say “normal” size) This feeling of largeness wrecks me emotionally.
There was a time in my life where I needed the seatbelt extension. Did you know they have those? They are the little seat belts they use to demonstrate how to use the seatbelt on the plane. You can attach one to the existing seatbelt and make it bigger. Talk about embarrassing! Try asking for one of those on a crowded plane.
Here’s the deal… All the good looking, skinny people see the large humans come onto the plane and they hope and pray that they don’t have to sit next to you. It’s one of those times were everyone suddenly has faith and prays for deliverance from this possible large human encounter. Think of the movies that have used scenes like this as humor. We, large humans, are more than aware of this reality and the news flash is… we hate it too! We hate having to squeeze into those seats and have those armrests (Otherwise known as hip squeezers and people dividers) move themselves deeper and deeper inside our body’s. So picture this… If I am in a window seat, I’m wedged into the seat sideways but also front to back because I’m 6’5″! Being against the wall and I have to lean away from the window because the ceiling arch. Aisle seats are n’t much better because then you get hit b the drink cart over and over again. Those things hurt!
Remember those cartoons where the large animal/human is sitting in the tiny car and only it’s feet and hands are actually in the car… that’s me on a plane.
I’m intentional being a little funny about it, but it’s all true. When I fly, I have great anxiety built up within me concerning vomit and being a terrible encroacher for everyone around me. I start getting worked up weeks in advance and all it does is build within me. Once I arrive at the airport, I start sweating and don’t stop until hours after we land. It’s ridiculous!
Once, I got lucky enough to have an exit row and the flight attendant came up, as they always do, and asked if I could help evacuate the plane if the need arose. I was like, if that need arrives, opening this door is the least of my concerns! Awkward moment.
What I’m trying to learn is fear and anxiety management. I pray a lot! I also hope that I’m able to sit next to friends who love me enough to not hate their lives for having to sit next to me. Of course those are short term goals. One day, maybe I’ll fit into a airplane seat… at least on the sides.
Fair warning: If you are a skinny person on a plane and see a large human board and coming near you… be nice. We are about one comment away from going postal from anxiety. 😉