I’ve been wanting to writing about running for a while now. I hate running and I have always hated running. The longest distance I have ever run was a 5K and I’ve run that many times.
Why do I hate running?
It’s not the burning lungs or the cramping muscles. It’s not the distance necessarily or the weather that gets me. It’s something different… something deeper… something that is still broken inside of me.
It’s what happens when I run.
As a large human, things shake and move. I don’t look like a runner nor do I run like a runner.
I remember jokes about Dolly Parton running as a kid and when I’m real honest, I don’t think I look much different. The bouncing, the moving, the noises… all of it is embarrassing. I feel stupid and all I can think about is what people are thinking if they see me running.
When I’m out there running, everyone can see me, there’s no place to hide. No place to wear baggier clothing to cover up. No place to be away.
Treadmill’s you ask? Those are even worse because you are there for the whole gym to see and going nowhere!
Maybe I should just own a treadmill… NOPE! To buy a treadmill for my house that wouldn’t break under my work load is not feasible. It’s just not.
So, what do we do with this situation?
We don’t run!
But seriously… we don’t!
In crossfit we have little runs sometimes… maybe one mile at a time. The difference is that you are running in a controlled and safe environment. You are running with people that already love and support you.
So how do you get better with running? I have no clue. I guess at some point you have to sack up and go run. I’ve done this in the past, but now that my skin is becoming more and more loose, I feel like I’m emotionally back where I started… with the flapping, and the bouncing, and the noises.
I know this has everything to do with the battle raging in my head and heart. I know that! This doesn’t make it any easier.
In 2018 I want to run like the wind. AKA, I want to be good at it. Not become a runner, but just good.
I have dreams of running…. yes, literal dreams where I’m running outside and feeling great. Like a beautiful and strong horse!
When people look at overweight people and think… “just get up and walk or run, it’s free and you’ll loose weight”. Although this is true theoredically, it’s near impossible to go out and do it for most of us. It’s to vulnerable and exposed. There’s a whole mountain of stuff to work through just to go out and run.
I want to run so bad! I want to be able to run like the wind.
But… I don’t know how to let go of the baggage and run.
This year I refuse to get trapped in my own mental blocks… I must Keep Going!
Just remember to give some encouragement to others like me in your midst. Be a supporter and not a condemner.
If you hate running as much as I do, let’s Keep Going!